oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
