WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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