i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
