i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
