Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
