I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
