my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
