brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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