I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
