i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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