woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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