You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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