She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
