I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize