so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
