I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
