Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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