do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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