I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
