No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
