glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
