I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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