I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
