if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
PANTIES FOUND
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
