I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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