Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
worst night to have a conscience
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Randomize
