DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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