I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
