real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
