If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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