I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
