Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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