Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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