That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
