You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
