WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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