i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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