I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize