he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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