You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
