EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
