i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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