You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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