I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
