What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
