i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
