matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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