So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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