Whatcha textin bout Willis?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
