Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
