rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
