dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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