I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
