You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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