I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
