I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
