Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
