margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
