I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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