I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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