My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
