Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
