We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
