She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You are a genius and a whore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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