I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
