So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
