Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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