even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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