you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
