I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize