She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize